7/10/2006
(Warning- Superman spoilers and rants galore)
Not So Superman...
We caught the daddy of all superheroes yesterday and I am shocked to report how disappointed I was. Understand that, unlike Cob, I was not secretly rooting against this movie in my heart of hearts (he denies it) because the great Bryan Singer left X-Men to to do this.
I was greatly looking forward to this flick. Singer, Superman, carte blanche on the budget and story. On top of that I err on the forgiving side when it comes to sci-fi fantasy movies. I'm usually happy to note the problems but not let it ruin the movie for me. So what could go wrong?
Well, nothing if your mission was to make an overly long chick flick with a clichéd plot about a troubled, self-obsessed female protagonist caught in a love triangle between the safe choice (who she's with now) and a more intriguing guy. Thank God THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE. Oh wait, it has been done a million times, including by Singer in his last two movies (Wolverine/Cyclops/Jean).
Seriously, that's what this movie is. It's The Adventures of Lois Lame. A boilerplate 'Girl is torn between boy 1 & 2' snooze fest. The only twist is boy 2 is from Krypton. If you've ever been unfortunate enough to watch an episode of Ally McBeal or Sex in the City, then you have already seen this movie. Now it's not that this device is evil in and of itself and it is 100% fine to use it in a Superman movie, but do not make it the main point of the movie for Zod's sake. Superman, the wonderful Lex Luthor and other big developments are all window dressing to the WB teen soap opera we're treated to.
The other problem with this being the thrust of the movie is that Kate whatserface is as interesting as a phone book- that has no words in it.
And one other thing. Let's talk casting. This movie takes place 5 years after the events of Superman II. So Superman and Lois were, what, 14 years old back then? Superman should be a full grown man, not someone that looks like he left his letterman jacket in the car. Granted, this kid does look like Reeve and does a damn good job of evoking the original portrayal of Superman and Kent. Sadly that's not enough. He and Lois are both so lifeless in their roles, you think they're sleepwalking. The only character with any life is Lex, saved by Kevin Spacey. No one else in this movie has any fun. He does homage to Hackman's comic turn with the character while adding just enough edge to make him a credible, 21st century villain.
Let's see, what else sucked donkey arse?
-Running length. Slower than a parked locomotive, the movie takes forever to get going and then goes a good half hour past it's natural conclusion. What makes up the entire extra half hour you might ask? The leaden love story of course! Because you can never have enough pensive looks and rehashed dialogue from the 1st act in a good fantasy flick. If the movie had ended on cue I might even have liked the damn thing.
-Super Stalker. Superman uses his powers to spy on his lost love and listen in on her conversations with her husband. At one point he does it while standing outside their house at night like a damn serial killer. Just for good measure, he also sneaks into her son's room and talks to the sleeping boy. Can you say creepy? But that's his son you say! Yes, and that leads us to...
-Super Boy. The big reveal. Superman and Lois had a fun baby that was born after he went on vacation to Krypton. Unfortunately you can see this surprise coming a mile away so it has no weight when finally revealed. Also, the super hero implications are all subservient to what this really is. A support structure for the love story. Poor Lois, with a good man who thinks that's his baby, but she's in love with the real father, whom she can never be with. Should she tell the husband, the child, etc.? Poor Superman, he knows he shouldn't break up the happy family and blah blah, vomit, blah, cough up lung, blah. All this needs is Ricky Lake or Jerry Springer for authenticiy. They even have a fu... freaking hospital scene with Lois looking on her true love as he lies in a coma, the little fun baby in tow. How Days of Our Lives can you get?! Speaking of surprises...
-There are no surprises in this movie because its not a surprise if you figure it out 40 minutes before they reaveal it. And I'm no good at seeing these things before the director reveals them. I didn't know Bruce Willis was dead in The Sixth Sense, I didn't know Ed Norton and Brad Pitt were the same guy in Fight Club, etc. etc. Yet there is not one surprise I didn't see coming and there are many of them, big and small.
Real quick- What was good? In addition to Lex, all the details. This is a very well crafted, well shot movie. From the costume to the set to the props, music, flashbacks (using Marlon Brando). The city and people are set in today's world yet there are undertones of 40's America all over. Also, the classic hero stuff is great. Hits just the right vibe between old classic Superman and new (just like the city). It's such a shame. There's no question a great movie is in here. An aggressive edit with a less rickety, less visible love story and I'd probably be praising it right now.
I've probably protested too much (ya think?). This is NOT a bad movie by any stretch but it is a big letdown.
|
Not So Superman...
We caught the daddy of all superheroes yesterday and I am shocked to report how disappointed I was. Understand that, unlike Cob, I was not secretly rooting against this movie in my heart of hearts (he denies it) because the great Bryan Singer left X-Men to to do this.
I was greatly looking forward to this flick. Singer, Superman, carte blanche on the budget and story. On top of that I err on the forgiving side when it comes to sci-fi fantasy movies. I'm usually happy to note the problems but not let it ruin the movie for me. So what could go wrong?
Well, nothing if your mission was to make an overly long chick flick with a clichéd plot about a troubled, self-obsessed female protagonist caught in a love triangle between the safe choice (who she's with now) and a more intriguing guy. Thank God THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE. Oh wait, it has been done a million times, including by Singer in his last two movies (Wolverine/Cyclops/Jean).
Seriously, that's what this movie is. It's The Adventures of Lois Lame. A boilerplate 'Girl is torn between boy 1 & 2' snooze fest. The only twist is boy 2 is from Krypton. If you've ever been unfortunate enough to watch an episode of Ally McBeal or Sex in the City, then you have already seen this movie. Now it's not that this device is evil in and of itself and it is 100% fine to use it in a Superman movie, but do not make it the main point of the movie for Zod's sake. Superman, the wonderful Lex Luthor and other big developments are all window dressing to the WB teen soap opera we're treated to.
The other problem with this being the thrust of the movie is that Kate whatserface is as interesting as a phone book- that has no words in it.
And one other thing. Let's talk casting. This movie takes place 5 years after the events of Superman II. So Superman and Lois were, what, 14 years old back then? Superman should be a full grown man, not someone that looks like he left his letterman jacket in the car. Granted, this kid does look like Reeve and does a damn good job of evoking the original portrayal of Superman and Kent. Sadly that's not enough. He and Lois are both so lifeless in their roles, you think they're sleepwalking. The only character with any life is Lex, saved by Kevin Spacey. No one else in this movie has any fun. He does homage to Hackman's comic turn with the character while adding just enough edge to make him a credible, 21st century villain.
Let's see, what else sucked donkey arse?
-Running length. Slower than a parked locomotive, the movie takes forever to get going and then goes a good half hour past it's natural conclusion. What makes up the entire extra half hour you might ask? The leaden love story of course! Because you can never have enough pensive looks and rehashed dialogue from the 1st act in a good fantasy flick. If the movie had ended on cue I might even have liked the damn thing.
-Super Stalker. Superman uses his powers to spy on his lost love and listen in on her conversations with her husband. At one point he does it while standing outside their house at night like a damn serial killer. Just for good measure, he also sneaks into her son's room and talks to the sleeping boy. Can you say creepy? But that's his son you say! Yes, and that leads us to...
-Super Boy. The big reveal. Superman and Lois had a fun baby that was born after he went on vacation to Krypton. Unfortunately you can see this surprise coming a mile away so it has no weight when finally revealed. Also, the super hero implications are all subservient to what this really is. A support structure for the love story. Poor Lois, with a good man who thinks that's his baby, but she's in love with the real father, whom she can never be with. Should she tell the husband, the child, etc.? Poor Superman, he knows he shouldn't break up the happy family and blah blah, vomit, blah, cough up lung, blah. All this needs is Ricky Lake or Jerry Springer for authenticiy. They even have a fu... freaking hospital scene with Lois looking on her true love as he lies in a coma, the little fun baby in tow. How Days of Our Lives can you get?! Speaking of surprises...
-There are no surprises in this movie because its not a surprise if you figure it out 40 minutes before they reaveal it. And I'm no good at seeing these things before the director reveals them. I didn't know Bruce Willis was dead in The Sixth Sense, I didn't know Ed Norton and Brad Pitt were the same guy in Fight Club, etc. etc. Yet there is not one surprise I didn't see coming and there are many of them, big and small.
Real quick- What was good? In addition to Lex, all the details. This is a very well crafted, well shot movie. From the costume to the set to the props, music, flashbacks (using Marlon Brando). The city and people are set in today's world yet there are undertones of 40's America all over. Also, the classic hero stuff is great. Hits just the right vibe between old classic Superman and new (just like the city). It's such a shame. There's no question a great movie is in here. An aggressive edit with a less rickety, less visible love story and I'd probably be praising it right now.
I've probably protested too much (ya think?). This is NOT a bad movie by any stretch but it is a big letdown.
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